I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
