you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize