So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's rum buckets o'clock
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
