did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize