Need sex. Gaining weight.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
