you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
