Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
