apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize