No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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