This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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