i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
