i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
