The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
