I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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