I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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