So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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