my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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