dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
