I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
