I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
