I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
