I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
