pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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