Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
