I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
