she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
