at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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