I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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