I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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