is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I could fuck to npr.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
