I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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