i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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