I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
