would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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