Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
