it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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