Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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