There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
cat food counts as protein by the way
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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