You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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