I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
