i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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