Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
