was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is Oprah even human
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
