I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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