Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
