it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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