Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
