rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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