If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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