the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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