Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
