Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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