omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
