What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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