i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
