There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
