i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize