remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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