apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
