I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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