Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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