and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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