dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
