Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
