Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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