I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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