no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
my poor anus
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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