He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
