you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize