You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
