tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
