Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
