I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
