i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
