I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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