he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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