i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
