i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
