tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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