what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
