3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize