He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
