Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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