You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
