nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my being single is dangerous.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I AM VODKA MAN
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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