I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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