I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
