Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
