Where is the hickey?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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