Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
