I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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