between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
