I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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