I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
