Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Floor bacon is actually really good
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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