Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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