He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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