wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
