i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
