maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
