dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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