Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
