dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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