i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
