Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
