last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize