Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
