OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
