i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
