arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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