i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
