a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
